Saturday, July 5, 2008


I have learned to listen through silence. I am good at deducing gestures: the flutter of an eyelash, the wave of a hand.

I have become an expert at interpreting cries: high pitched, low pitched, and here we sit---somewhere lost between the lines. I will remain between the lines with Elliot until he can speak, perhaps just a word or two. Really, I bet that I will always be in that special place with him…interpreting, as if he was a little boy trying to communicate in a far away country.

My attention to detail is unmatched. I will consistently defend intentions when he fails. “Well, yes, that sound means xxx.” “This sound means xxx.”

For he tries; he tries so damn hard, but nothing comes out. His little body tenses up and he moves his mouth, but nothing. Nothing but a drone (if that). The sign language “lessons” from me – Momma – seem to be in vein. I try so hard.

I know. He’s a boy. He’s also a boy with Down syndrome. I hear it all of the time. Boys are slower to speak. Boys with Down syndrome? Well…please, please Elliot…please just say something.

We mastered “up” a few weeks ago.

But, it’s gone. Mysteriously, the word has left his vocabulary.

We had a great Fourth of July. A really great day. But today I sit here and I work with him. Depressed. I forgot about it all yesterday. I forgot the liver enzymes. I forgot it all. Today, (at least this afternoon) it’s back.

Maybe tomorrow?


amy flege said...

hang in there honey! He will talk, you just wait! I am glad you enjoyed your day yesterday! HUGS!!!!

James said...

Don't lose heart! My son with DS just turned five. The words are coming slowly, but they are there. I just know he has many things to tell me, and when the time is right, he will!

I really enjoy your blog. You really brighten my day when you post.

Mommy to those Special Ks said...

Like the others said, it will come! Has his speech therapist mentioned anything about Apraxia? One day he'll be talking your ear off... praying that day comes soon!

~Melissa~ said...

I know that moment will come Michelle, and I can't wait to hear it. Delphine was VERY quiet up until just recently. She's now starting to make sounds. It just happened all of a sudden and I'm sure he'll surprise you soon.

Hang in there!

Michelle said...

I'm sitting here having the same thoughts Michelle. It's hard, very hard. I would love to chat with you further about your experience with Elliot. Matthew is constantly moaning (maybe it's the droning you describe) and he has "lost" words and signs as well - he has just a few. His speech therapist can't explain it. Sigh. Email me if you get a chance rayfamily02 at

Kele said...

Oh Michelle, I am so sorry you are having a bad day. I am thinking of you. I know how it is to have wonderful days when you feel so blessed (as we both are) but then have a day appear out of no where when you feel alone and worried and overwhelmed. I am praying for you to find a peaceful place and I know your little Elliot will find his words and share his words when he is ready.

Kele said...
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Shannon @ Gabi's World said...

I am so sorry. I know the wait is tough. I was like that with the potty training. 6 1/2 yrs! Hugs! He'll eventually get there.

Christina said...

Awww..I am sorry that your bummed. I am praying for those words to just start pouring out of his mouth and can't wait for a post asking when will he be quiet?! LOL Hugs.

Kari said...

I feel your frustration Hun. Tristan recently has started saying alot of stuff but it was slow coming. He too would say things for a while then loose them again. Hang in there it's going to happen and your going to enjoy and appreciate his sweet little voice all the more because of the wait :) ((HUGS))

Kele said...

Hey honey...I tagged you. Come check it out!

Chris said...

Waiting can be so hard. Especially when you waiting for the voice of your child to come. As mothers, we want to know what is in our children's hearts and minds.

Thankfully, as mothers, we can know these things without our children ever having to make a sound. How blessed Elliot is that he has you to be his interpreter, his "voice".

I know it is easier said than done. I too can't wait to hear John say "ma ma" or "da da".

We just need to believe the day will come and when it does, it will be amazing.


mom2noah said...

Michelle, sending lots of hugs and support your way. Sweet Elliot will continue to bring joy into everyone's lives regardless how soon he speaks. I'm with you on, when? Noah only says dada but his kisses,hugs and laughter speak volumes everyday ! Hugs to you, Terry